A Fishing Phenomenon

by Alex J Allen

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I don't know if you've (I say you've, I have no idea if anyone will read this) noticed, but there seem to be a lot of fishing programmes on TV at the moment. People seem to like them, a lot. Deadliest Catch, Trawler Men, it's unbelievable, they've taken over the mainstream. The thing is, I don't give a fuck how the magic happens! Rarely do I go in to the fish and chip shop, and gaze in wonder at my food thinking about all the hard work that went in to catching it. More to the point, I've been fishing (only once, and I wouldn't recommend it) and it was an unbelievably tedious experience. On the basis of that occasion, which was predominantly just, well, sitting, waiting for things to happen, I cannot believe a programme documenting it could be popular. But then it starts, and the process is unbelievable! Given the amount of effort it takes to catch these fish, it seems like it'd almost be easier just to drain the fucking sea and walk around picking them up (although that would probably only work the one time, and even that would be a long shot). Frankly, I suspect they're jazzing the whole thing up for the cameras. Everything just seems to be designed to make everything as difficult as possible. 'We need crabs, but they're in the really rough, freezing cold water annoyingly'. You never needed crabs! You've gone off in search of crabs because nobody just wants to watch you sitting around for an hour, if I wanted that I'd just replace my TV with a giant mirror. These fishing shows just go to prove that literally anybody can be on television now. Even Captain Blackbeard with his Koi tattoo, wearing a t-shirt that has been ripped to shit. I've heard that these fishermen are pretty well paid, I just wonder how far $10 really goes when you're out at sea. All that money, and what can you spend it on? Fish! Endless fish, no chips, just fish. On its own, all day, every day. Personally, I am delighted that these people exist, their labours result in me not having to do any fishing (although the reality is that I'd just give fish the elbow). I just can't understand how it's made the transition from documentary to drama series! Come and film me at work, please, and pay me for the priviledge! I'll show you the highs and lows of life insurance, the dangerous paper cuts, 8th degree burns from the coffee vending machine, it's a riot.