Hallowhat?

by Alex J Allen

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So here we are again, Halloween, the mother of all non-holidays. I overheard people in the street this morning saying that it 'had become mindless vandalism'. Let's get this straight, it hasn't become mindless vandalism, that's all it has ever has been! It's just 'give us sweets or we'll smash your house up', there's no hidden depth to it. It is in fact so ridiculous, that it makes the idea of involving a ficticious, giant, imaginary rabbit that leaves chocolate eggs in people's gardens as part of the resurrection of Christ seem totally plausable in comparison. Somehow we've end up with some weird hybrid of the Amercan dream, block parties, costumes and candy merged with ASBO Britain. The most ridiculous thing is that the whole concept of trick or treating is completely at odds with stereotypical national character. Knocking on people's doors? People we don't know? What if they're busy, in the shower or on the phone? No, that seems extremely inappropriate. Most kids that go knocking on doors now only go to houses they know, it's a nonsense.

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When I used to work at Tesco, about two weeks before the big day a note would go round effectively telling the cashiers not to sell kids in tracksuits eggs or flour, or more accurately, to ask the kids what they were going to use it for. What do you fucking think they were going to use it for? 'We're baking a huge victoria sponge, promise bruv'. I'm sure you are, and you'll be paying with...? Oh, pennies, I see. Well that all seems to be in order, enjoy your baking guys. Essentially, it's just a day where people who would be vandalising things/people anyway, step up their efforts under the vague miconception that everything they do is perfectly legal because it's Halloween. Consider this; if a group of kids came to the door on November 17th, wearing, I don't know, a ghost mask, and asked for sweets with the threat of vandalism if you didn't cooperate, how would you react? Call the police? Tell them to fuck off? Both of those? Of course you would! Let's not humour this day of madness any longer, it's a nonsense.