TV Trash

by Alex Allen

aaa

Kerry Katona, the face of Iceland, is apparently launching an MTV show documenting her intention to 'get back on track' by getting cosmetic surgery. A lot of cosmetic surgery (well that figures, it's the equivalent of the Sagrada Familia). Apparently, the results will be displayed in a 'reveal all' feature in Zoo magazine following the culmination of the series. If there were two words I never wanted to hear associated with Kerry Katona, they were 'reveal all'. And what a good example for kids everywhere; gorge yourself for a tenner on nuggets, hydrogenated fat, and Christmas dinners you can cook in the microwave for 25 minutes and then just annihilate the horrendous consequences with 56 consecutive hours of surgery. Why would MTV inflict this latest monstrosity on us? More importantly, why does the promotional material feature a naked, 'seductive' looking Kerry Katona? Are MTV really that out of touch with what people want? I'd much rather watch a Russian Roulette styled game show, basing the ratio of empty to live shells on Kerry Katona's answers to various questions about the credit crunch, or, failing that literally anything else.

aa

As for the show blurb which suggests surgery is going to get her 'back on track', frankly, it's going to take more than surgery to make that happen. She needs complete refurbishment, inside and out, compulsory elocution lessons, maybe some books to read. If she can that is, we just assume, but drug taking doesn't require a great deal of literacy and all those ready meals have pictures of the food right on the box so who can really tell? MTV could try something like a 21st century My Fair Lady, although somehow I doubt that whoever took her on would have the same success. After all, this is the same woman who came out with 'it's all listed in pounds so it's easy for you to add up!' In the latest batch of Iceland adverts, so let's not get our hopes up on he becomming a passable member of society. This woman will clearly do anything, perhaps even sell her womb as advertising space, to keep herself in the public eye. Let's not promote this horror show anymore and do the right thing, leave her in a locked room with a giant bag of spicy chicken fingers and let her burst through her own gluttony, it's what nature intended.