An Unsuitable Garment?

by Alex J Allen

sss

The suit, it can make a man feel confident, assured, a million dollars. But isn't it, well, a bit badly designed? I say this because after a year's fairly unchallenging employment at Tesco, wearing a monkey uniform that was basically made to be fireproof, tearproof and generally everything proof to deal with the various cretins that work there, I'm now getting used to actually having to try again. Shaving in the morning, ironing my shirts, that sort of thing. You spend about fifteen minutes ironing a shirt, and within minutes you've done something to crease it again, even something as standard as sitting down on the train. And then, somebody, usually a receptionist, will say something like 'ooh you're shirt could do with an iron'. I did fucking iron it! What am I supposed to do, carry a battery powered iron around and just duck in to the toilets to tidy myself up? Or maybe I could just lie in state to keep it pristine, every time, all the time? It's a nonsense.

sss

And then there's the tie itself, why? I mean, seriously, why? I've heard that it's to 'cover the buttons up'. Well, you know what would solve that problem? A nice big strip of Velcro, no buttons necessary. It would cut down on the feeling of self strangulation, and be easier to put on. As if it wasn't disfunctional enough, it's also become the ultimate medium for tedious people at work to express their undeniable wackiness by sporting all sorts of tacky 'themed' ties, ranging from the humble Christmas classic, to a witty work related quote like, 'if at first you don't succeed, delegate!' Sigh. Ultimately, it's all social conditioning, we think that shirts and ties look good because that's convention. It dates back centuries to when tailors handmade suits for people rich enough to afford them, and the status that came with wearing one. I get that that still exists, people who can go to Saville Row look better than people that go to work in their £100 job from Next, fine. But isn't it about time we updated it to something that doesn't become dishevelled after five minutes, and spend the rest of the day strangling the owner? Generally, anyone that wears a shirt and tie to work is doing something vaguely demanding, that requires their full attention. Doctors and nurses seem to get it, they need to be comfortable to their job well, so if they can wear pyjamas to work why the hell can't I? It's not like anyone looks down on the medical profession, and if they can perform open heart surgery and still retain respectability, then surely I can sell car insurance wearing jeans and keep mine, too.