It's a horrible experience. You awaken, and in those first few seconds you groggily try and establish some basic information. Which day is it? Whose bed am I in? What the hell happened to me last night? My brain concludes it is Friday. Incorrect, brain. Suddenly the realisation hits me that not only is it not Friday, it's actually fucking Saturday. I have work today. In the space of about fifteen seconds everything has turned from gold, to shit. After standing up for a few seconds and realising I was still slightly drunk, I decided to hoover up the Nice and Spicy Nik Naks I had inadvetantly mushed in to my carpet the night before.
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In total, It took me about half an hour to retrieve my iPod Shuffle from the hoover bag. It was an incident which, quite frankly, could have happened to anyone. As Apple say themselves, it is the size of two packets of chewing gum. Still, lessons must be learnt. Eventually I gave up trying to put the hoover back together, and left it in a pathetic heap on the floor, corpse like, with it's inards scattered everywhere and covered in Nik Nak mush.
In total, It took me about half an hour to retrieve my iPod Shuffle from the hoover bag. It was an incident which, quite frankly, could have happened to anyone. As Apple say themselves, it is the size of two packets of chewing gum. Still, lessons must be learnt. Eventually I gave up trying to put the hoover back together, and left it in a pathetic heap on the floor, corpse like, with it's inards scattered everywhere and covered in Nik Nak mush.
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Bay City Roller Junior was proudly showing off his new calculator today. 'This is my brand new calculator, Casio, £1.96 from Tesco', he said in the manner a 47 year old might describe their new Lexus to a neighbour. 'Well, £1.96 of my mum's money anyway,' he continued, 'but that's another story.' I was dangerously close to walking out at this point, more so than I'd ever been in fact, but I still hadn't seen what was inside the 'void room', and that seemed like reason enough to stay for the time being at least.
Bay City Roller Junior was proudly showing off his new calculator today. 'This is my brand new calculator, Casio, £1.96 from Tesco', he said in the manner a 47 year old might describe their new Lexus to a neighbour. 'Well, £1.96 of my mum's money anyway,' he continued, 'but that's another story.' I was dangerously close to walking out at this point, more so than I'd ever been in fact, but I still hadn't seen what was inside the 'void room', and that seemed like reason enough to stay for the time being at least.
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Steph resembles a product I might attempt to try and market as 'Primark Barbie'. Pull back her draw string and she will inevitably utter the following phrase, 'I'm not a supervisor, everyone makes that mistake, but I'm just a regular member of staff really, you don't have to treat me any different.' This ludicrous, and poorly disguised desperation to become some kind of figure of Primark authority is completely fucking ridiculous. By simply showing up, and not even reguarly, for any extended amount of time, odds are you will be telling someone else what to do within a month. Steph has been Primarking her little heart out for four years. 'So, Matt, what are you down to do on the rota today?' She continues. Well Steph, I think you'll find I'm down to be treated like shit for seven and a half hours, and to work with imbeciles who should be contained in padded cells and are half my age. Is that on your rota? Because it should be. Oh, and it's Alex. Oh, and I didn't mistake you for a supervisor, I mistook you for a horrendous mess. No, wait, there was no mistake.
Steph resembles a product I might attempt to try and market as 'Primark Barbie'. Pull back her draw string and she will inevitably utter the following phrase, 'I'm not a supervisor, everyone makes that mistake, but I'm just a regular member of staff really, you don't have to treat me any different.' This ludicrous, and poorly disguised desperation to become some kind of figure of Primark authority is completely fucking ridiculous. By simply showing up, and not even reguarly, for any extended amount of time, odds are you will be telling someone else what to do within a month. Steph has been Primarking her little heart out for four years. 'So, Matt, what are you down to do on the rota today?' She continues. Well Steph, I think you'll find I'm down to be treated like shit for seven and a half hours, and to work with imbeciles who should be contained in padded cells and are half my age. Is that on your rota? Because it should be. Oh, and it's Alex. Oh, and I didn't mistake you for a supervisor, I mistook you for a horrendous mess. No, wait, there was no mistake.
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The checkouts operate with a bizzare door bell system. One ring is to summon an employee to go and find a salient barcode for you. Two rings summon Bay City Roller Junior to take care of matters above your limited capabilities. Three rings alert staff that the store is being robbed, or is a hilarious practical joke. Imagine if you will, the manager at the Ready Brekk factory accidentally dropping their wedding ring in to the vat of porridge and saying to an employee 'Oi, Ted jump in there and find that would you?' That's the task facing anyone answering a 'one bell' at Primark. Watching George saunter off, like a salmon struggling upstream against a torrent of women who must have been at least partial inspiriation for J.R Tolkein's 'orks' was a very sorry sight indeed, but a rite of passage for every young Primark boy. Soon he may return to the tribe and be given his adult name, 'acne-a-kaykay'.
The checkouts operate with a bizzare door bell system. One ring is to summon an employee to go and find a salient barcode for you. Two rings summon Bay City Roller Junior to take care of matters above your limited capabilities. Three rings alert staff that the store is being robbed, or is a hilarious practical joke. Imagine if you will, the manager at the Ready Brekk factory accidentally dropping their wedding ring in to the vat of porridge and saying to an employee 'Oi, Ted jump in there and find that would you?' That's the task facing anyone answering a 'one bell' at Primark. Watching George saunter off, like a salmon struggling upstream against a torrent of women who must have been at least partial inspiriation for J.R Tolkein's 'orks' was a very sorry sight indeed, but a rite of passage for every young Primark boy. Soon he may return to the tribe and be given his adult name, 'acne-a-kaykay'.
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And finally, I almost got fired today. Apparently I put my coat away and then clocked in, and was consequently paid for three additional minutes that I had not worked. This is gross misconduct, and in future I must put my coat away first, and then clock in. Completely fucking ridiculous.
And finally, I almost got fired today. Apparently I put my coat away and then clocked in, and was consequently paid for three additional minutes that I had not worked. This is gross misconduct, and in future I must put my coat away first, and then clock in. Completely fucking ridiculous.
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