The Retail Rewind

by Alex J Allen

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Have you noticed how certain shops that you thought had been swallowed whole by great father time long ago still persist in certain towns? In Felixstowe there's still a Wimpy, people actually go in it. Although that's largely a result of a diminished range of eateries to choose from, it still feels a bit like going back in time to eating at Happy Eater service stations. Not only that, but there are still Co-op department stores, I passed one today. In the front window, there were an assortment of mannequins wearing Stepford Wives smiles and missing a number of limbs. Truth be told, it was pretty unsettling. There's been a Christmas tree in there for so long, you begin to think they might as well leave it there permanently. I find Co-op's continual existence in the modern world baffling. The department store is filled with dated clothes that look they first made an appearance in 1980's work training videos, Henry hoovers, food processors and veneer finished televisions. I think the word 'junk' just about covers it. As soon as you walk in, you're hit with the same musty odour you get when you're rummaging through a cupboard of your old clothes trying to find things to send to the work charity appeal. I often think a lot of the staff think they're working in Grace Brothers, and to be honest, they might as well be.

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Usually I stay well clear, it makes me realise about my own mortality and the uneven ratio of old people to young people makes the world seem like it's running in slow motion. However, sometimes convenience dictates where you shop, and the nearest shop that opened late where I used to live was a Co-op. Inside, there's usually a token 'foods of the world' aisle that has been installed against popular demand cirica 2004, and contains various exotic items like tikka masala sauce and fajita wraps. Their key demographic is the over 7o's, and it shows. Items you forgot existed, like Arctic roll ice cream and fig rolls feature prominently.

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Finally, you finish your shopping, it's taken longer than you thought because you've had to replace every item you actually came in for with the next best thing, which often, is no replacement at all. 'Hmm no fajita wraps, looks like it'll have to be medium sliced bread then'. Whilst wandering towards the tills, you notice a shuffle in the aisle next to the one you're walking down. They're elderly, lurking, and could pop out at any time. Before you know it, they're in front of you in the queue. Before you know it, you're watching them pay for their entire weekly shop with shrapnel from their designated change bag. Inexplicably, this bag will contain French Francs, buttons, bottle tops and all sort of other shrapnel that doesn't qualify as legal tender. Because the Co-op is just a magnet for the elderly, when there's a big queue they don't bother opening any more tills because the people in the queue are enjoying being in it! It's something to do, Deal or No Deal isn't on til 4, there are two hour that can and will killed before then. Yet when you finally get to the counter, it's a whole different story! For a shop that seems to receive nothing but change, why do they never have any? 'Have you got anything smaller, dear?' Well, my shopping came to £9.01, and I've given you £10. I mean, what do you want, a nine pound note? Presumably people paying for things must have come up at the planning stage of creating the store, so why it always comes as such a surprise that I'm producing more money than the value of my goods and actually expect change! Still, it's been around for centuries, so it must whole some sort of durable appeal to some people.